...but it just hasn't come out yet.
You know that feeling when you've been sick for weeks and you are just wondering when you are finally going to get over it, and one day, there is that moment when you think, "hey, am I getting better? Is this it?" And maybe there will be some backsliding, but you know that was the day you finally began to get over whatever crap you caught in the first place.
I feel like, after almost a year, I've finally had that day. I was walking the fields yesterday, trying to figure out what I should pay to have mown by the neighbors and what I should just let return to brush and forest. I was checking for ruts and bumps and dangers that might not be as easy to see once there is eight inches of grass growing across the hillsides. I was watching for curious evening deer and avoiding the occasional mucky spot.
Suddenly it occurred to me that I had not been thinking of my "ex" at all. And yes, indeed, I think of him all the time. This deep furious burning anger that is there constantly, hiding an even deeper grief for the loss of a person who didn't exist. It's a poison that contaminates every moment of my life. But while I was walking my fields, it was just plain gone.
And it was really like getting over an illness. You know that moment when you are so happy that you can finally BREATHE? Or that the headache has finally gone away?
It's like that. I could finally breathe.
I hope I have more moments like that.
2 comments:
Yes, you do get more of them. For a long time you'll get that stab in the chest feeling every time you see someone that looks like him though.
don't let that anger get to you , it will fester...let it go, make it go away
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