"Thank God I'm single"

I said it for the first time two days ago, and I actually meant it. I was driving in the darkness, listening to a country-music show (funny, I envisioned her as a brunette, and older) and the host was talking to a teenager who was in angst about a guy she'd been friends with for six years, whom she had feelings for (more than friends), but whom had a girlfriend. It was so sweet, plaintive, and painful, that it took you right back to your own high school emotional traumas, and I laughed in sympathy and without thinking, said it right out loud:

"Thank God I'm single."

And I do have to say that there are a lot of benefits to singlehood, in general. I was chatting with my mother last night about Easter, and it occurred to me I no longer have to worry about whether my partner is bored and wants to leave the gathering. I can just enjoy my family and stay or leave as I wish. Decisions are made simply. Even the best and most thoughtful partner deserves to have their feelings taken into consideration. Being single cuts the decision-making process down to the simplest form. "Yes, I can go" or "No, I can't." There is no "I'll have to check." I won't have to try and steer conversations to topics my partner might enjoy in an attempt to prevent them from being bored. I can just let other people be other people, and enjoy their presence.

There is also an emotional freedom. It's a selfish freedom, but a real one. I've been asked on dates, but frankly, I've said no, because the last thing I need right now is to engage in that "Gosh I like him; Gosh I don't; Gosh how do I tell him; Gosh I think this guy's a stalker" game that comes with dating.

Just not interested, ya know? Of course, not yet being legally separated has a lot to do with it, too. There's just something creepy about dating another person when you don't yet have the piece of paper that says you are on your way to Divorce.

I was joking with my mother about how surprisingly wonderful it has been to set up the house the way I wish, and we both agreed that bringing another human into our own spaces now would be difficult to impossible. Luckily, I have a big house, and I joked that I could give the Next Guy the upstairs to fix up as he wished, I'd have the downstairs, and we could just visit one another's domains. Never again am I going to be frozen by trying to figure out what "someone else might like" and ending up with something both of us aren't happy with.

Being single again makes you look back on marriage and realize how you could have been a better partner, and realize as well that, despite all the pain, there's something to be said for a second chance.