Yup, I think all ya'll worriers can find something to worry about other than me. I was sitting here on the porch the other day wondering what had changed and realized I don't feel GUILTY all the time. No guilt about my cats, about what colors I choose to paint the walls, about whether the grass got a little bit tall before being mowed, about whether my partner is doing more work than I am on the property (because now I'm doing it all)...
I don't have to obsess about being I'm too tired from work, home, and cats to be affectionate enough--because now I don't have to be affectionate at ALL. And you know, there's something to be said for that!.
I'm able to do things that I had compromised on before for the sake of the relationship. Don't get me wrong. It's worth compromising for the benefits you get from a partnership. You OUGHT to compromise on things when you love someone. But I have to say, once the pain of a breakup fade, the benefits of singlehood shine through.
It's funny to see what is getting done now that didn't get done for ten years...even though before there were two people here instead of one. I have to wonder what tied our hands. For the first time since I've been here, my front garden is actually a front garden, albeit a somewhat wild one (Yes, that is a zucchini in there). The house is (still slowly) getting painted. I'm looking forward to having the house redecorated by next spring.
Now all I have to do is get some serious drawing done, as well as some writing. When I sit back with a glass of wine and look up at a finished drawing...well, then I'll know things are really really OK.
Here's to all my friends, and my family, and all those Friends of Wildrun. You have saved my life, and I know it!
5 comments:
I'm so glad to hear this. You saved my life, I saved yours. Congrats, and Cheers! Let's toast next time to us!
I love your garden shots... always looking so gorgeous and tranquil!
I'm new to your blog, just wanted to say I can identify with your post.
I'm a widow of 3 years, and it's taken most of that time to realize there are indeed many joys to a single life -- and living alone.
You're right...you do need to get back to your drawing. I still have a picture you drew in 10th or 11th grade. It's a beautiful pencil sketch of a unicorn in a field drawn on really thin paper. After a while (and a couple of corner tears) I stapled it to thicker paper so it wouln't get torn more. Every time I see it, I think about you and your talent.
I am so glad you are in a good place in your heart now. hugs bcat
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