Installing the fan from hell.

This is the ceiling fan that has lived in my closet for four years. It's intended for the den, so that all the heat from the woodstove doesn't sit up by the ceiling. My ex attempted to install it many moons ago, when I wasn't home (he had installed the other fans in our house). For some reason he aborted the venture and said something about needing a new ceiling plate because this one was bent.

2:15 - Ventured into scary spider basement, located breaker for ceiling outlet in the den, and turned it off. Whoo hoo! Got the right one the first try!

2:20 - Banged out the dents in fan ceiling plate with hammer. I'm assuming that shortly I will discover what problem Mark ran into that resulted in these dents.

2:30 - My ladder is too short. Go out the barn for the 6' ladder. On the way, I am thoroughly scolded by chickadees who point out the feeders have been empty for TWO WHOLE DAYS! Grab the feeders as I go to the barn. Discover two pigeons in the barn ($#%#!!!) who frantically fly about when I enter. As I fill the feeders from the garbage can in the old chicken coops, pigeons freak and white stuff comes splattering down. I scream a stream of swear words, including the "F" word, until I realize the white stuff is just snow. I can't find the ladder. I leave the barn, warning the pigeons they will soon be owl food if they don't move out before nightfall.

2:40 - Where the hell is the ladder?

2:45 - Walk around my house, thinking maybe I used the ladder when I painted the house this summer? I do this in Crocs, no less. Stupid!

2:46 - WHERE THE HELL IS THE LADDER!!!!

2:59 - After checking the barn again, walking around the house again (with proper shoes on) I admit I am unable to locate either of the two six foot wooden ladders I should own. I close my eyes, count to ten, and tell myself that my ex would not possibly have taken them both. I'm sure I'll find at least one. I always do this--put something somewhere odd. It was not stolen, because if anyone stole the 6' ladder, the would have taken my extension ladders as well. I venture into the spider basement for the 4'ladder so covered with dead spiders that I have not touched it for four years. Ugh!!!!!

3:00 - Are you tired of hearing about ladders yet? Well, how do you think I feel!!!!



3:01 - Why isn't the washer working? Oh, look, the den light breaker also apparently controls the outlets in the bathroom. Now, doesn't that make sense? Not.

3:05 - Suffer my first injury, a tiny cut on my ring finger, grabbing the spider ladder as I descend. Get a band-aid.

3:17 - Discover the brass screwheads are completely stripped. Hmmm...we get closer to the source of my ex's previous frustration. Do I have anymore brass screws anywhere? Do they have to be brass?

3:27 - Found two really long screws. They aren't brass. Is this whole thing really held up by just two screws? That's scary. What happens if you add more? Totally creeped out, I do find two long brass screws, but add two more small brass ones.

4:10 -



"Now you are ready to wire the fan." (shivers) I am still totally perplexed by the bent plate and stripped screws. Maybe his power screwdriver was slipping? Oh well! I'm using a regular hand screwdriver and while it took some sweat, the screws went in. There were already pilot holes drilled in the support beam that Mark had already installed.

4:28 - It's hanging up there and I'm reading the wiring chart. I think I have it down. Now I know why guys get to a certain point in their house improvements and start drinking. Luckily I have no alcohol in the house.

4:37 - The kittens are awake and appear very nervous.



4:48 - I don't own a wire-stripper, and it is too dark for me to use the jack knife. So I guess this is it for tonight. I'll stop at Home Depot when I go into Ithaca tonight to see Nancy's concert. Luckily one wall outlet works so I have a single light, and my computer is plugged into the kitchen anyway. The wash will just have to sit in the washer until tomorrow.

4:50 - I have found a lite beer in my fridge.